Wow, in a couple weeks, It has been almost 2 YEARS!!

Hi everyone, I cannot believe that on February 20th, it will have been 2 years since I checked in on this/my blog! That's crazy! Since then, A LOT has changed. I don't even know where I left off, but I have decided to, and am hoping to be able to use this blog as a tool to help others, as well as an outlet of release and help myself as well again.. Well, to start off, I have actually been attending online grad school since September 2018, for my Master's degree in Social Work, and it has proven to be both very rewarding as well as very challenging at the exact same time. However, with a very good supportive system through great friends, I do not regret any one bit of it. However, the biggest change in my life of semi recent, occurred in October of 2017, when I underwent the process of gastric sleeve bariatric surgery. This process has also proven to also be very rewarding but has also been more difficult to emotionally adjust to, than I ever thought it would be.. 10/25/18 marked one year from when I began my weight loss journey through the procedure, and I still can't believe it has been even more over a year already, wow! As I have previously posted on my other social media outlets, some of these thoughts are not anything new to be shared. {I have since been told that I am a liar for not initially publicly sharing this fact. For this, I apologize if anyone is offended that I did not tell them right away. It was not that I was trying to deceive anyone as to how I was doing this, I just wanted the first year of my journey to be for me, and about my growth and learning around the process, before I let EVERYONE in on it. The reason for this was also due to the fact that the procedure sometimes is viewed as a "cop out" into losing weight, and I did not want negative comments or any kind of backlash as I was, and very much still am, learning how to adjust to this new lifestyle everyday. It also very much can be even more of a struggle, and even more difficult just because of the restrictions that are required to maintain it successfully, because yes, you can have adverse outcomes. So, in all reality, it truly can be anything but "easy" or a cop out". However, I chose it as the best option for me because it was a struggle for me over many years through in just trying other diets suggested by my doctors, it was/is also especially hard for me to loose weight with already being disabled, which when you already have a body that struggles, it struggles even more to move with any access weight. Therefore, it becomes a horrible cycle. You can't move with the weight, but you also have to be able to move to be able to lose any. I knew for me, that I was, and am strong enough to do it, because I am a fighter. Even though I publicly withheld this fact, and I often had more emotional bumps along the road, than I ever thought I would; due to both my own adjusting, but also others' reactions from their own discomfort with the idea, I do not regret this journey whatsoever. All because of what it has allowed for me to regain ability and and mobility wise.. As well as gaining abilities I've never even had before. And therefore, everything was and still is entirely worth it, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.} Now, as of January 2019, I have come to realize that due to the fact of having been so successful in losing the weight, and having become the most able bodied I have EVER been, even over my most "abled" that I was beforehand, I ask myself and even others, why would I EVER want to give that up?! This body, to me, is the best body I have ever been given, and/but or even though I also was the only one chose to change it, to get where I am in this moment. However, I have also had to now come to realization that I may actually be struggling a great deal more now somewhat with some issues and doubts that come with body image. Since August of 2018, I have had 2 relationship attempts, which have since broken up, by something the other parties caused. However, even though it was their thoughts and opinions that I was too inadequate or even "too disabled" for them, that came out in the process of breaking up, and to (which/when really they were projecting their own inadequacies they were feeling about themselves onto me, and I can't help or change those for them), it still has left a sting in my side to a certain degree, which I did/had/have not directly acknowledge{d} after either split, that leads me to question, are any parts of their projections true? Recently, I was also told by another friend, to whom, I greatly value, treasure, admire, love, and respect that they have seen a change in me. Yes, for the good, but that they feel I have lost parts of my levels of self confidence, and that I am not who I was when we first met. This was very hard for me to hear from them because I feel that through being on this journey, in my opinion, that I am the MOST confident I have ever been, because I feel I that have found, and have finally reached my truest self. So, in a way, I so completely and horrifically terrified of reverting back to how/who I was body-wise ever again though.. This conclusion however, also leaves me to question, are all the aforementioned individuals right to a degree then, as well? Have I really lost myself, have I changed too much? Whereas, I personally, am still with the feeling like/that I could and still should be doing more on this journey, while others are telling me that I need to maybe start considering regaining back some of the weight, and that I may be, or am "very/too thin/ underweight", what does this mean for me?